Meant to be Kept Page 3

  “You really should let me take you back to your dorm.” She chewed on her bottom lip. His head was leaning against the headrest and his eyes were closed. He looked exhausted.

  Tanner shook his head, not moving it from the seat or opening his eyes. “Nope, I can walk back. And there’s no way I’m letting my girl walk to her dorm in the dark alone.”

  Izzy snorted and rolled her eyes. “All I have to do is manage a treacherous fifty feet from my car to the door. In a nearly straight line. You, on the other hand, will have to go clear to the other side of the campus. Besides, your girl is from New York. She can take care of herself.”

  He rotated his head slightly, popped one eye open, and offered her a lazy grin. “I know and that makes you hotter.” He lifted their joined hands to his mouth and kissed the back of her hand. “But you don’t have to anymore.”

  Just like always, he held open her door and made sure her car was locked before handing her back the keys. He held her hand tightly in his until they reached her dorm. “Thanks for dinner, Belle.” He turned her to face him and locked his arms around her waist.

  “D-do you want to come in? I-I don’t m-mean like that. I’m not ready for that. I-I just…” She slid her arms up to his shoulders and fought the urge to bury her hot face in his chest. “I don’t want to say goodbye yet.”

  Tanner brushed his lips across hers, took the keys from her hand, and unlocked the door. He lifted one eyebrow and grinned. “One condition.”

  She rolled her eyes and pulled out of his grasp long enough to walk into her room and close the door behind them. “So that business major of yours rears its ugly head again. Go on, let’s hear the counter offer.”

  He collapsed on her bed and stretched his long body out, cuddling her memory foam pillow. “Geez, Belle, even your pillow is amazing. Okay, counter offer.” He propped himself up on one elbow and patted the small space beside him. “I stay for a while as long as I get to hold you.”

  Izzy laid down next to him, running a hand down his cheek. “Just lay here? All night?”

  “Just lay here,” he confirmed. “For as long as you want.”

  She captured her bottom lip between her teeth. She wanted him next to her tonight, all night, and preferably every night to come. But there was no way she’d say that out loud. “All night.”

  He heaved a dramatic sigh and pulled her even closer, tucking her head under his chin. “Fine, but you’re gonna owe me for this, Belle.”

  “Oh really?” she questioned with a soft kiss against the cotton material of his shirt. “For giving you the gift of my single room and amazing pillow for the night?”

  “For getting me used to having you in my arms all night. It’s going to ruin me for sleep for the rest of my life.”

  His last words ended on a mumble, and Izzy was incredibly grateful when he began snoring just a few moments later. She didn’t want to have to admit the impact his words had on her. And she certainly couldn’t admit to feeling exactly the same way.

  Chapter Four

  Tanner

  Three o’clock in the morning.

  He turned his back on the clock and resumed his pacing. Sleep was a waste of time. He needed to focus on figuring out how to fix this. He ran his hands through his hair and linked his fingers behind his neck. He could sleep when Belle—no, Isabelle—was beside him in bed again. Geez, it hurt to think of her as anything other than Belle.

  He paused in front of the couch, hands resting on his pajama-covered hips. He rolled his shoulders, dropped his head forward, and sighed. “I’ve got to fix this.”

  Tanner gave up walking and sat down heavily, his head resting against the back of the couch, staring sightlessly at the ceiling. He screwed up. Hell, why did he even go in the first place again?

  Oh yeah, he thought it would be fun. He thought for one night he could stop being the responsible, reliable Tanner Carlisle and be as stupid and reckless as his brother. Yeah, that worked out so well for both of them.

  He rotated his head to the right and checked the time again. Four o’clock.

  If this were any other day, Belle would be getting up at five o’clock. A smile curved his lips. She would wake up, give him a soft kiss, and remind him that he needed to get up in another hour. By the time he finally ventured downstairs, Belle would have already run five miles on the treadmill, would have breakfast ready, and would be packing his lunch.

  How could he possibly screw up this badly and still have the audacity to ask for her forgiveness? What an arrogant prick. He didn’t know what he wanted more in that moment: to win her back or let her find someone who would treat her a hell of a lot better than him. Someone who would actually love and respect her enough to keep his damn hands to himself.

  Quickly he answered his own question. Win her back. That was the only acceptable option.

  Tanner turned and stretched out on the couch, his self-appointed bed for the night, his feet dangling off the end. He could have just as easily slept in the guest room upstairs, but that would have been too close to Belle. He didn’t think he could last the night separated from her if there was only one wall between them.

  Especially not if he heard her crying again. If she cried.

  Shit. Of course she would cry. He threw an arm across his eyes. He betrayed her. He took her love and trust and destroyed it in one night. With one dumbass decision.

  He jumped to his feet and began pacing again. He couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t relax. He damn sure couldn’t sit still.

  “I have to fix this,” he murmured to himself again, taking large strides around the living room. “I have to win her back. She fell in love with me once, I know…”

  His words and his feet stopped simultaneously. Memories of the beginning of their relationship filtered through his mind. The promises he made to himself not to repeat the mistakes Wyatt had made with Georgia in high school. The mistakes Wyatt still regretted to this day. Tanner made sure he listened and paid attention and never let Belle feel insecure in their relationship.

  For the first time since his brother pulled him away from the overly affectionate blonde and told him what he’d done, he felt a stirring of hope in his heart. It may have been more than a decade ago, but he had won her heart and her trust once.

  Yeah, and he could do it again.

  A genuine, damn near giddy, smile spread across his face. He ran back to the couch and grabbed his phone from the table. Time to work on the plan.

  ***

  Monday night Tanner lay on his back in Belle’s bed with his left arm wrapped around her, holding her close to his side. The same way he spent nearly every night.

  His hand tightened on her shoulder slightly, and she turned her head, resting her chin on his chest and smiling. Damn, he loved that smile. Hell, he loved every single thing about her from her chestnut brown eyes and wavy chocolate hair to the soft snoring sounds she made when she slept. He just hadn’t told her.

  Yet.

  “What are you thinking about, baby?”

  Every time she called him “baby,” his entire body reacted to the term of endearment she’d recently bestowed upon him. He cleared his throat and tried to focus his mind. “Well, Thanksgiving is this week, and I was just wondering what you were doing. You, uh, you didn’t mention going home.”

  Her lids lowered, covering her eyes and frustrating Tanner. He could practically see through to her soul when he looked in her eyes, and he knew she was keeping something from him. “I-I just planned to stay here. Have a delicious cafeteria-created meal of what I think will be turkey.”

  He hooked a finger under her chin, forcing her to lift her gaze to meet his. “What aren’t you telling me, Belle?”

  She sat up, tucking her legs under her and holding his hand tightly in hers. “Holidays aren’t great for me. My family is very different from yours, Tanner.”

  He stuck his free arm behind his head to give himself a better view of Belle and stroked the back of her hand with his thumb. “My family’s no
t perfect.”

  Her teeth captured her lower lip again, and she kept her eyes fixed on their joined hands. “But they’re together. They’re still married. They don’t…” She sighed heavily but didn’t continue.

  Their families had only been a passing discussion until now. He wasn’t comfortable with the thought of Belle at the practically deserted school over the holiday weekend. And he really couldn’t stand not seeing her for nearly five consecutive days. “Sweetheart, you can tell me anything.”

  “I know.” Her voice was a soft whisper. When she finally lifted her eyes to his, he thought his heart was going to break with the moisture threatening to spill from her eyes. “But this is bad.”

  Tanner sat upright on the bed to face her, crossing his legs and holding both of her hands firmly, offering silent support. He hadn’t seen Belle this upset before, and it made him feel sick.

  It wasn’t like he hadn’t been around crying girls before. He shifted on the bed at the all too recent memory of his brother’s girlfriend standing on their doorstep in tears when he left her without saying goodbye six months ago. The same day Tanner promised himself he’d never treat the girl he loved that way.

  But this was his Belle. This was different than Georgia. Worse. She was his girl and she was hurting and he needed to fix it. Simple as that.

  She was the first girl he loved and he had every intention of making her the last as well. There was no way he would repeat the mistakes he’d seen his younger brother make in high school. He’d never leave Belle alone and crying. He’d never let her feel abandoned and unloved.

  “It’s stupid to be this upset about it still,” she started slowly, still looking in his eyes. “I-I was only eight so…I don’t know, I guess it just didn’t seem like anything was wrong. It seemed like it all happened so suddenly, but now I’m older and I wonder if it was actually a slower breakdown.” Her voice trailed off on a huff.

  He shook his head. “Sweetheart, I’m not following.”

  “I was playing on the front porch; it was a really hot summer day. I remember it all so clearly. And everything seemed fine,” her face took on a distant expression, “until I heard a loud crash.”

  Tanner moved his back against the headboard, stretching his legs out and pulling her with him into his arms. He needed to hold her while she spoke, maybe even more than she needed him.

  After a few moments of silence, she spoke again. “My dad, he walked out. My mom followed him. She stood at the top step of the porch, screaming at him that he ruined everything because he couldn’t keep it in his pants. That she would never let him see me. That she would take everything. That she hoped his little slut would keep him happy.”

  He searched his mind for words to make it better. He felt every bit of her pain as she spoke, and he wanted nothing more than to take it away from her. Before he could think of something appropriate, something comforting to say, she lifted her head and looked at him with the saddest eyes he had ever seen.

  “They still fight and try to pull me into it. Constantly. Anytime they are in the same room. My graduation was a disaster.” A small hiccup accompanied fresh tears in her eyes. “He never looked back, Tanner. He left and never looked back. He sent money and showed up for the special occasions, but that’s it. I mean, just because he and my mom got divorced, why did he leave me?”

  If he thought his heart was aching before, it completely shattered at her words. He slid them both down the bed a little as he turned so he was hovering over her with a hand cupping her cheek. “I wish I could answer that for you, Belle, and you have no freaking clue how much I wish I could take your pain away.” Tanner took a deep breath and hoped he wasn’t completely screwing this up by saying it now. “But sweetheart, what I can tell you is that I love you with my whole heart. I’m never leaving you, and I damn sure am never going to hurt you.”

  Her eyes grew wide, and she cradled his face in her hands. “You love me?”

  A small smile curled the corners of his lips. “I haven’t had any experience, so I must be pretty bad at showing it. Hell, yeah, Belle. I love you.”

  She pulled him down and pressed her lips to his, but Tanner couldn’t let himself drown in Belle like every other time. He felt something wet on his cheek. Shit. She was crying again and she hadn’t told him she loved him back. He screwed up. Don’t act like Wyatt, he coached himself. Just be patient.

  Finally she broke the kiss, and before Tanner could launch into a speech assuring her that it was perfectly fine if she didn’t feel the same way, Belle beamed up at him with the brightest smile he’d ever seen. “I love you too, ya know.”

  Words failing him, Tanner leaned down and kissed her again. He felt her hands slide down the front of his t-shirt and make contact with his bare skin beneath. The breath left his body in a whoosh, and he pulled back from her. “Belle…”

  Her cheeks flushed and her smile turned shy. “I-I want to, Tanner. I think I’m ready.”

  Every single cell of his body reacted to her words, and it took all his self-control to pull her hand from under his shirt. He couldn’t give in to his desire. She was too emotional, and when they finally got their first time, there was no way in hell he was going to let there be any room for regret from her.

  The crestfallen expression on her face made him groan and lean his forehead against hers. “I want you with every fiber of my being, sweetheart. More than you know. But not right now, Belle. Not tonight. Not when you are feeling sad and happy and confused. Tonight I just want to hold you.”

  Her eyes still held a tinge of uncertainty and…shit. Rejection. He rolled his eyes and pressed her hand against the front of his painfully tight jeans to offer physical proof of his need for her. “I want you more than I’ve ever wanted another woman in my life and more than I’ll ever want another woman again. But Belle, our first time is going to be special. I’ve screwed up a lot of stuff, and that’s one thing I want to do perfectly.”

  Tanner could practically see the switch flip in her brain as his words registered. Her smile reappeared, and Tanner flopped onto his back, pulling her tight against his side. They lay together in silence for a long time before the reason he even started the conversation popped back in his mind. He smirked up at the ceiling and ran a hand up and down her arm. “I deserve a reward for the immense amount of self-control I just exhibited, don’t you think?”

  She lifted her head from his chest and raised an eyebrow at him. “And you’ve already decided what that reward should be, I assume?”

  “Business one-oh-one, sugar,” he drawled. “Never ask a question or make a suggestion without knowing the answer and the exact outcome.”

  He could see the smile tugging at her lips, even though she was trying valiantly to remain stoic. He loved to use his negotiating skills almost as much as Belle liked teasing him about it. It was one of his favorite parts of their relationship. “Go ahead.”

  “Come home with me for Thanksgiving.” It wasn’t a question. No way in hell was Belle staying on campus. “You can experience the unique crazy that is the Carlisle family. If we’re lucky, Aunt Sharon will have a few too many. That’s loads of fun.”

  The amusement disappeared from her face, and for a moment he thought she was going to refuse. “You really want me to go home with you? And be with…your family?”

  He smiled and tucked her head against his chest. He wanted to tell her that this was the first of many holidays he expected her to be with him. He wanted to tell her he couldn’t see his daily life without her in it, much less every special occasion. He wanted to tell her he wanted her with him forever. But he settled for simple. “Yep.”

  “Okay, baby.” She sighed contentedly against his chest and promptly drifted to sleep.

  Chapter Five

  Izzy

  Her heart leapt into her throat and her traitorous body hummed as soon as she rounded the corner into the living room. Tanner, still every inch as gorgeous as he’d been in college, was sitting on the couch clad only in p
ajama pants, sound asleep with his head leaning on the back of the couch. His hand rested on the smartphone on his bare chest that, if it were possible, had only grown broader and stronger over the past dozen years.

  His light brown hair was tousled, and her fingers itched to bury themselves in the thick mass. The lashes that were ridiculously long for any man rested against his tanned cheeks, and she groaned.

  Izzy held onto the wall for support. She wanted to run her fingertips down his thick bicep. She wanted to plant soft kisses along his shoulders. She wanted to walk over and straddle his lap and…

  Had she done that? The thought pummeled her heart and her mind at the same time. Had she run her hands across Tanner’s well-defined abdomen? Had she trailed her hands up his strong back? Izzy felt sick again.

  Her gaze traveled down her own body. She had less than zero desire to run today, but nevertheless she pulled on spandex shorts and a knit tank top and ran five miles on the treadmill. She had managed to lose most of the weight after she had the kids, but her abdomen still wasn’t as tight as it had been. Her hips were still a little wider. She still wore clothes two sizes bigger than she had in college.

  Was that why? Was that why Tanner had wanted someone else? She felt nauseated again.

  She crossed the room and sat on the coffee table in front of him, biting her lower lip. She wanted to hate him so much right now, but it was still Tanner sitting in front of her. Reaching out, she tapped his knee lightly. She didn’t trust herself to touch his bare skin.

  He slowly lifted his head, eyes growing wide when he saw her. He scrubbed a hand across his face and down his bearded cheek, offering her a sheepish smile. “Mornin’, Belle. Did you sleep, sweetheart?”

  Belle. Sweetheart. Two names she’d always cherished now sliced through her heart, but she couldn’t bring herself to chastise him. It felt as good to hear as it hurt. “A little.” She looked down at her lap and nervously ran her hand up and down her mostly bare thighs. “The, um, the kids are going to be back in a little while, and I think we need to, um, I think we need to figure out…” She gestured between the two of them.