Meant to be Kept Page 4

  “You’re right.” He leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees and bringing his head close to hers. “Can I…can I hold your hand?”

  Her heart constricted. Was this ever going to stop hurting? “I-I think I need space. I don’t think I can figure this out with you so close.”

  Tanner nodded and moved to the other side of the couch. His face registered a brief flicker of hurt before he offered a weak smile. “Whatever you need, Belle.”

  Izzy stood and walked over to the window, shaking her head. “That’s not what I meant, Tanner. I need…” Her throat closed around the next words, and she tried to find something, anything, outside she could focus on. “I-I need you to leave. A-and I need you to stay.”

  She spun around, tears falling down her cheeks, and every ounce of the pain and anger she’d so carefully avoided last night began to bubble. “I can’t look at you! I can’t touch you, I can’t hear your voice, and I really can’t hear you call me Belle one more time. The guy who called me Belle? He promised he’d never hurt me. He walked around every underdressed, oversexed girl that threw themselves at him after each game to get to me. For weeks and weeks he was happy to lie next to me without anything more than a few kisses. That,” she spit out the word, “is the only person allowed to call me Belle.”

  He stood from his seat on the couch, looking totally shell-shocked. Even though a small voice in her head told her to stop, once she began to voice her heartache, she couldn’t stop. “I don’t know what I did or what I didn’t do to make that guy leave.” She hiccuped and wound her arms tight around herself. “And I don’t know who you are.”

  Before the last words had even left her mouth, he strode across the room until he stood in front of her and grasped the tops of her arms. “Don’t. Don’t say that. Don’t you dare believe any of that. You have been the best thing to happen to me since the first time I saw you. Don’t think for one minute that this, that any of this, is you. I’m the only one responsible for being here right now.”

  He pressed his forehead hard against hers, his breathing as labored as if he had just finished a marathon. She had to close her eyes at the agony reflected in his. “This is your call. Whether I stay or whether I go. I’ll do whatever you want. I’ll even sign d-divorce papers if you can’t forgive me.” A tear streaked down his cheek as he stumbled over the words.

  Izzy’s eyes flew open and her hands immediately went to his face and she held him close. “No, Tanner.” Words died on her lips, and she circled her arms around his neck as she dissolved into hysterical sobs against his chest. She couldn’t help it. She needed him as much as she hated him right now.

  “Shit, sweetheart, I can’t imagine my world without you beside me.” He choked out the words, tightening his arms around her waist. “But I can’t hurt you anymore. If you want me gone, I’ll go.”

  She pulled back a little from him. “I just need space to think. That’s all. I d-don’t w-want a d-d-d…” She fell against him again, unable to even say the word.

  The sound of a car traveling up their driveway registered to both of them at the same time, and their arms fell as they jumped apart. He jerked his chin toward the small half-bathroom just outside the living room. “I’ll let them in if you want to wash your face off or something.”

  Izzy nodded and caught him grabbing his t-shirt off the back of the couch and sliding it on. Why couldn’t he have slept in the stupid shirt? she wondered bitterly, as irritated with her body for craving his as she was at the man himself.

  She regarded herself carefully in the mirror above the pedestal sink in the small half-bath. Dousing her face with three handfuls of cold water had almost erased the red rims and bags. She practiced the carefree smile a few times before greeting her kids.

  After several hugs and simultaneous chatter about all the things they had done with their grandparents, Izzy noticed a strange look pass between her in-laws.

  “Ava, Noah, come show Grandma that new slide Uncle Connor added to your playground.” Tanner’s mother grabbed each child by the hand and let them lead her.

  Before Izzy could say anything, they disappeared out the back door. She turned around and swallowed when she saw the furious expression on her father-in-law’s face as his gaze moved from one to the other before landing on Tanner.

  “What the hell did you do, son?”

  ***

  The third time Tanner laughed at her, Izzy dropped his hand and smacked his arm. “It’s not funny!”

  “Aww Belle, it’s damn near hysterical.” He continued to chuckle as they took the exit off Interstate 40 for Asheville. “Just when I thought you couldn’t get any more adorable, you get all worked up over meeting my parents.”

  She laced her fingers through his again and turned to look out the window in an effort to hide her flushed cheeks. She wondered absently when she’d get used to his charm and stop blushing with each compliment. “It’s important, baby. I just…I just want them to like me.”

  “Not a chance in hell they’re gonna like you, Belle.”

  Her eyes widened, and she whipped her head around to face him. “You’ve spent the past three days telling me not to worry and assuring me everything would be okay, and now, now you feel the need to tell me there is no way they are going to like me?”

  Tanner lifted her hand to his lips and brushed a kiss across her knuckles. “They aren’t going to like you, sweetheart. They are going to love you.” He flashed her a cocky grin. “Not as much as I love you, of course, but they are going to love you nonetheless.”

  Izzy settled back in the leather seat of Tanner’s Jeep with a small smile tugging at her lips. “You’re a jerk, you know that?” Only to herself could she admit that his encouraging words did, indeed, boost her confidence.

  And that confidence disappeared as soon as they pulled into the driveway of his parents’ house. Her dad had always been very successful and, even after the divorce, she’d lived in comfort, but nothing had prepared her for Tanner’s home.

  “Tanner…” She couldn’t even utter more than his name, suddenly sick to her stomach.

  “What’s wrong, Belle?” He guided the Jeep around the curve in the long, cement driveway. His tone was completely nonchalant and completely irritating.

  She blinked a few times as they crested the top of the drive and the house came into view. Her mouth was dry and her voice hoarse when she finally spoke. “You live in a mansion.”

  He threw the car into park in front of the wide stone steps leading to the front door. Tanner’s brows drew together. He leaned over the center console and regarded the two-story red brick house sprawled out in front of the passenger’s window. “Nah, it’s not a mansion.”

  Izzy turned in her seat and pinned him with a look full of disbelief. “We drove through a wrought iron gate, up a two-mile long driveway, and I’m fairly certain somebody named Jeeves is going to be opening the front door any second to welcome the young master home from university.”

  After several beats of silence, Tanner erupted with laughter. He grabbed both sides of Izzy’s face and pulled her in for a warm, sweet kiss. “Not a mansion. No staff. No pretentious family. Just a bunch of people who have spent the past two months hearing about my amazing girlfriend and can’t wait to meet her. Even more tomorrow, when the rest of them show up for Thanksgiving.”

  She smiled against his mouth and linked her hands behind his neck. “You’ve been talkin’ bout me?”

  He hummed in the affirmative as she deepened the kiss before pulling back slightly. “You may want to stop there, sweetheart. Even though there aren’t any servants waiting in the wings, I can almost guarantee there are half a dozen people gathered around those windows.”

  Her cheeks burned, and she buried her face against his chest. “You could have said something sooner,” she mumbled against his blue-checkered button-down shirt.

  Tanner did nothing more than laugh and plant a final kiss on her temple before tugging her into the house behind him. Despite
the nerves leading up to meeting the Carlisle family, Mike and Tracy quickly made Izzy feel like more than a welcome guest—they made her feel like she was exactly where she belonged.

  As Tanner assured her, there were no servants waiting in the wings. Other than Tanner himself, who made a point to make sure Izzy did nothing. When he carried her bag to her room, she was grateful. When she wanted a drink of water and he practically knocked over the chair he was sitting in to get it, she thought it was sweet. But when he tried to fill her plate for her at dinner, she flashed a sweet smile to the rest of his family and begged to be excused before pulling him from the table.

  She dragged him down one of the long halls before ducking into an alcove beneath the stairs, confident they were out of earshot. “Tanner. What was that?”

  A look of utter confusion descended on his face. “Dinner? With you and my family?” He shook his head but took the opportunity of their secluded space to pull her close and bury his face in her neck. “I mean if you want to do something else…”

  Izzy smacked his shoulder and pushed him away, unable to stop the laughter that accompanied it. “No! And I mean with the waiting on me hand and foot thing. I appreciate that you like doing stuff for me, but baby, your family is going to think I’m some sort of spoiled princess.”

  “Too much?” He winced before flashing her the sad puppy dog eyes that wormed their way straight into her heart.

  She held her thumb and forefinger a half an inch apart. “Just a little.” Not wanting to hurt his feelings, she wrapped her arms around his waist and stood on her tip toes to offer a kiss. “How about after dinner we go into one of the other million rooms in this place not occupied by various members of your family and watch a movie?”

  The look of chagrin disappeared at the suggestion, replaced quickly with a mischievous smile. “Have you been reading my business textbooks, sweetheart? Because you are getting pretty damn good at this negotiating thing. Maybe you’ll have to join Dad’s company with me after graduation.”

  Izzy clamped down on her bottom lip. Was he really planning on still being with her in four years? Sure, he said he loved her, and she loved him more than she thought it was possible to love another human, but…

  Her thoughts contorted her face into a mixture of concern and disbelief. She could tell the exact moment Tanner read her expression. “Belle, what’s wrong?”

  “You still want to be with me?” The words tumbled out before she could cover with an excuse. She found it nearly impossible to keep anything from Tanner. “I mean, when we graduate. And after. You still want to be with me?”

  Every feature on his face from his strong brow line to his square jaw softened. A small smile she had never seen before lit his lips and his eyes. “Sweetheart, I don’t know how to tell you this without scaring you.” He shook his head slightly. “Belle, I love you and I just don’t see a life for me without you in it. Forever. I know this seems too soon—”

  Before he could finish his thought, she leapt into his arms, wrapping her own around his neck and her legs around his waist. She wanted to tell him how much that meant. How she had been uncertain in every area of her life and in every relationship other than theirs. How every dream she had always held for her future suddenly included him in it. But she couldn’t. “Me too,” she whispered in his ear.

  He sighed softly in reply and just held her until a loud growl made them both pull back. Pink appeared on Izzy’s cheeks once more, and she glanced down at her abdomen. “Sorry?” She wrinkled her nose.

  Never letting go, Tanner held her close and walked them both back to the dining room with a chuckle, only releasing her just outside of the entryway. “All right, all right, go fix your own plate, Princess Belle.”

  She winked before turning into the dining room. “Princess? That would make you Prince Charming, eh?”

  After a cheerful family dinner the likes of which Izzy had never experienced before, she shooed him out of the kitchen, assuring him she could help his mother put everything away and load the dishwasher by herself while he chose a movie. She couldn’t help that her eyes tracked him as he left the room. Or that the entire evening had left a grin on her face she couldn’t lose.

  “You’re good for him,” a voice behind her commented softly.

  Izzy straightened from her position stacking the plates in the dishwasher. “I’m sorry?” She certainly couldn’t have heard Mrs. Carlisle right. Tanner was the perfect boyfriend. He didn’t need any improvement.

  A warm smile graced her lips, and she tucked a stray curl of light brown hair identical to Tanner’s behind her ear. “You’re good for Tanner. He’s never been this excited to come home. He’s never brought anyone here, even when he was in high school, and he has never looked so peaceful and relaxed. I swear that child was born to carry all the responsibility on his shoulders.” She tilted her head and looked at Izzy thoughtfully. “Yeah, you’re good for him.”

  As her words sank in, warmth spread through her chest. He really did love her. He really did think she was special. They were special.

  “We’re good for each other.”

  Chapter Six

  Tanner

  Belle looked like a deer in the headlights. Tanner cursed himself ten different ways in his head. He debated the right way to answer his father before heaving a sigh and looking directly at Belle as he spoke. “Something I’m going to regret for the rest of my life.”

  Despite being over thirty years old and built almost as big as his hulking father, Tanner still felt like a child when Mike Carlisle fixed his disapproving glare directly on him. He opened the front door and practically shoved his son outside. “I’ll deal with you in a minute,” he growled as the storm door slammed closed.

  He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. The voices from the other side of the door reached him easily. He hadn’t intended to eavesdrop but…

  “That no good, lousy son of a—”

  A small sniffle was followed by a forced laugh. “He’s your son, so that’s more insulting to you and Mom than to him.”

  He could hear his father huff. “Izzy, honey, tell me how you’re really doing.”

  Silence. It stretched for so long Tanner began to think they had walked away, but then a hiccuping sob ripped through the air and his heart. He really was a no good, lousy son of a bitch. Maybe his father could be talked into kicking his ass. The idea made Tanner snort. That would take exactly zero convincing.

  “He didn’t sleep with her and I am so grateful for that.” Belle’s tortured voice was so soft it barely reached his ears. “But he just fell into the arms of someone else. After twelve years together, eight years of marriage, and two kids. He just so easily walked away from all of that to someone whose name he doesn’t even know.”

  “You can come stay with us. For tonight, for the week, hell, for the rest of your life if you want.”

  Tanner paused with his hand on the doorknob. Hell. No. Belle was entertaining the idea of letting him stay. It wasn’t out of the question. No way was he going to let his dad take her away from him before he could even start to win her back.

  “No.” Her voice sounded slightly more controlled, and his movements stilled. “No, he’s…I mean we…” She sighed, and Tanner found himself holding his breath for her next words. “Dad, he’s Tanner. We’ve been together for nearly half my life. And there is no way I’m going to let the kids go through what I went through until I’ve had time to think about it all.”

  He softly let out the breath he didn’t even realize he was holding. She wasn’t going to leave. So wrapped up in his relief he missed the next words Izzy said. Shit. Was she still going to make him go? He knew he had no damn right, but he found himself getting irritated that she kept changing her mind.

  The sound of his father’s steps getting closer made Tanner jump as silently as possible over to the other side of the porch and grip the railing.

  “You’re too damn old to be listening in on someone else’s conversation.” His fa
ther stood beside him and shoved his hands in his pockets. Neither looked at each other, pretending to memorize the same view of the mountains they’d been looking at for the past six years since construction finished on the house.

  Tanner swallowed hard and leaned on the dark wooden railing. “I didn’t hear everything. Is she…” He closed his eyes and sighed. “Is she kicking me out?”

  Mike shrugged his shoulders. “That’s between the two of you. But, son, dammit. Why the hell did you go and screw around?”

  Why. The same question Belle wanted answered. Hell, the same question he wanted answered. “I don’t know,” he enunciated each word. “Wyatt wanted to celebrate his win and one drink turned into more than I can count, and he had this group of fans following him and I just…” He released the rail and ran his hands over his face. “I just screwed up.”

  “You need to fix this before you lose the best thing in your life.”

  Tanner rolled his eyes at his father. “Don’t you think I know that?” He had repeated nearly the exact same words to himself nearly all night. “I’ve got a plan. Belle just has to let me try.”

  Finally his father turned and pinned him with a disgusted look. “That girl doesn’t have to do a damn thing.” He poked Tanner in the chest with his index finger. “You have to fix this. I don’t care if you have to crawl up the Looking Glass Rock Trail on your knees to get her to forgive you, just do it.”

  He raised his eyebrows and propped his hip against the railing. “Hike up a six-mile trail with a fifteen hundred foot or so elevation gain on my knees? Yeah, this isn’t going to be that easy.”

  His father offered a snort and headed back toward the house. He pulled the glass door open, then regarded his son silently for a few moments. Tanner tried to ignore the desire to squirm under his father’s scrutiny. “You don’t deserve easy, son.”