Meant to be Kept Page 2

  Why? The question had repeated over and over in his brain the entire trip back from Nashville. He left hours earlier than he’d initially planned, driven by the need to see her. She wasn’t just his wife; Belle was his best friend. When she smiled, he still felt that flip-flop in his stomach. When she cut that sensuous sideways look his way, every part of him jumped to attention. Twelve years and two kids had done nothing to lessen his desire for her. She was still the sexiest damn thing on two legs and so much more than he deserved.

  None of which answered the question of why. Belle was perfect for him. He had known that from the first day he met her. In spite of the churning in his gut, a small smile played about his lips. She still had no idea he had spent nearly two weeks planting himself in the quad in between classes to make sure he was in her line of sight as much as possible. She never knew that on the fourth day back at Wake Forest he saw her for the first time and was almost positive that was when he fell in love. She certainly didn’t know that he personally threatened half the football team when a kicker started running his mouth about the hot freshman brunette with olive skin.

  He screwed everything up because he wanted to go shot for shot with his brother. He wasn’t embellishing in the slightest when he told Belle he hated himself far more than she ever could. At least he hoped it was true. He hoped somewhere in her heart she could still love him and find some way to forgive him.

  Lost in thought, he hadn’t realized the sobs from the other side of the door had silenced. Gingerly, he pressed his ear against the wood to see if he could hear any movement. Seconds ticked past, and he swore if he didn’t hear at least a rustle from the room he’d break the damn door down to make sure his Belle was okay.

  The click of the lock registered just in time for Tanner to jump to his feet and take one big step back from the door before he fell through. If he thought he was gutted before, that was nothing compared to how he felt looking at Belle’s gorgeous brown eyes turned red and swollen. Every fiber of his being was screaming to hold her and he barely controlled the instinct.

  “I, uh, I…” He shoved his fingers through his hair. “Listen, I know you don’t want to see me or touch me or talk to me, but dammit, Belle, I can’t sit downstairs knowing you’re up here crying. I just needed to be near you.”

  He wanted her to scream at him. Throw something. Hit him. Do all three. Hell, he didn’t care. He deserved it. But she just stood in the doorway staring blankly at him, not a trace of the sparkle that always lit her eyes. “Did you bring your bag in?”

  His brow drew down, and he shook his head. “My what?”

  She folded her arms in front of her, and the shielded posture made him wince. This was not his Belle. She never closed herself off to him. Just ten minutes ago, she jumped in his arms when he got home. And his cowardly ass couldn’t bring himself to hold onto her the way she deserved. What had he done?

  “Your bag? Your suitcase? Did you bring it in?” With each question, her eyebrows lifted, but her expression remained impassive. “I need to finish doing the laundry and I’ll throw your clothes in with the last load.”

  Clothes? He had done something unthinkable, unimaginable, possibly unforgiveable, and she wanted to wash his clothes. They needed to talk, she needed to call him every name in the book, they needed to work this out because there was no way he was going to let Belle go. And she wanted to do laundry.

  Belle waved a hand over to the stairs. “Is it in the back of the truck? I’ll just grab it.”

  “No.” He nearly shouted the word and stepped in front of her, blocking the stairs. “No, Belle. I’ll get it, I will, but we need to talk. We need to fix this. I need to fix this. Tell me what to do, Belle.” She lifted her desolate gaze to meet his. Broken. His sweet, fiery, beautiful Belle was broken, and it was all his fault. He really did need someone to kick his ass.

  “Don’t call me Belle again.” She pushed past him and walked down the stairs, taking the air out of his lungs with her as she went.

  ***

  “Aren’t you tired of this yet?”

  He shoved his book in the side pocket of his backpack and grinned at Belle. “Nope. I’m getting caught up on all my reading so I can keep up with you.”

  The truth was he had been late to football practice the past three days, but she didn’t need to know that. They could start without him anyway. He was only the quarterback. The team captain. Really not necessary.

  She shifted on her feet and bit her lower lip. “I’m not going to go out with you, Tanner.”

  Her words stung, but he affected an unconcerned smile. “That doesn’t mean I have to stop asking, Belle. Besides, I won’t be able to sleep tonight unless I walk you to the library and know exactly what book you pick this time.” That was a lie. He’d sleep like a baby and dream about the girl currently shooting him down again.

  A tint of pink tinged her cheeks. Damn, that was cute. She grabbed his arm and pulled him around the side of the building, gaining a little more privacy than the front steps could afford.

  “Why?” She crossed her arms and lifted her eyebrows meaningfully.

  He shrugged with as much nonchalance as he could muster. The truth was pretty simple. He had no clue. Was it the fact he caught her reading the same books he loved in the cafeteria on the extremely rare occasion she was there? Was it because the first time they talked she claimed almost all of his favorite movies as her own? Maybe it was because he never knew what sarcastic comment she’d lay on him next? Or simply because she was the hottest damn thing he’d ever seen?

  Whatever the reason, for the past three weeks, he couldn’t think of anything other than the petite brunette with light brown eyes. His usual patience flew out the window with her, and his initial idea to entice her to come to him was quickly abandoned in favor of walking her to and from her classes as much as possible between his own.

  She narrowed her gaze and pursed her lips. “Why, Tanner? Why do you spend every free minute waiting out here just to walk me from one building to another?” She rolled her eyes and huffed. “And why in the world do you call me Belle?”

  With every word she spoke, his eyes followed the movement of her lips. Her perfect Cupid’s bow mouth covered in a light pink gloss caught the rays of the late September sun and seemed to sparkle. He dropped his backpack to the ground and took a step closer.

  “Why? Because every night when I go to sleep, I think about what your hair would feel like between my fingers. Because I can’t stop wondering what it would feel like to hold you in my arms. Because I have an insatiable need to know what your lips taste like. Because, sweetheart, you drive me absolutely crazy.”

  He took another step forward, and her backpack joined his on the ground with a thud. He cupped her cheek with one hand and the other rested on her hip as he backed her against the brick wall of the building. At that moment, he could care less if anyone saw him. His heart soared at finally being exactly where he dreamed, with Belle in his arms.

  Tanner lowered his head until his lips were a breath away from hers. The eyes that had haunted him for weeks were wide with excitement, her pupils dilated with desire. Yeah, she felt the same way he did. “And I have to call you Belle. You’re the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen.”

  Before she could answer, his lips touched hers. Lightly at first, barely meeting, until he felt the little gasp from Belle and her hands went around his neck. He groaned against her mouth and deepened the kiss, pushing her harder into the wall. His hand moved from her cheek to the long brown waves that were every bit as silky as he’d imagined. He tangled his hand in her hair as he cupped the back of her head.

  His tongue ran across her bottom lip, and the corners of his mouth quirked up when her fingers crawled up the back of his neck into his hair. She slowly opened her mouth beneath his, inviting him in shyly. Tanner dug his hands into her jean-clad hip, and he nearly fell to his knees at the first taste of her. His most vivid fantasy couldn’t compare to the sweetness that was the reality of
Belle.

  He had no idea how long they stayed connected before he had to pull back and suck oxygen into his lungs. He leaned his forehead against hers. After a few more deep breaths, he was confident enough to speak. “That’s why, Belle.”

  Her swollen lips turned up in a small smile. “Those marketing strategy classes are working. I’m definitely sold.”

  Tanner chuckled and pulled his head back slightly. “So I can keep calling you Belle?”

  A spark lit up her eyes, and she tugged his head back down. “As long as you keep kissing me like that, you can call me Belle forever,” she murmured before their lips met again.

  Chapter Three

  Izzy

  “Do you want me to leave?”

  Izzy dropped the washing machine lid down with a loud bang and spun around to face him. “No.” The word erupted from her mouth without any help from her brain. “No, I don’t want you to go. I-I don’t want the kids to come home without you here.”

  Tanner leaned his shoulder against the doorjamb. “What about you Be-Isabelle?” His blue eyes dropped to the floor for a moment before pinning her with a beseeching stare. “Do you want me to leave?”

  Did she? Her first thought was exactly what she had said. Her broken heart was screaming “no.” Her mind wasn’t quite as convinced. She opened and closed her mouth several times trying to formulate an answer.

  “I don’t want to.” His words were barely above a whisper, but the note of agony made her wince. “The last thing I want right now is to leave. I want you to hit me, scream at me, or throw something, but I damn sure don’t want to leave.” His hand reached out to touch hers, but he pulled it back at the last minute, folding his arms across his broad chest instead. “But what I want doesn’t matter. What do you want? I’ll do whatever you want.”

  Her lips curved, but there was no warmth in the haunted smile. “I’ve thought about throwing something at you.” Izzy sighed and rubbed her temple where the throbbing grew. “It’s really inconvenient to have you as my best friend. It’s really, really pathetic that you’ve been my entire world for so long that I don’t know if I want you to hold me or if I want to lock you out of the house.”

  She snorted and shook her head. “You were, ya know? You and the kids were my entire world. Nothing made me happier than taking care of you and the kids because I thought,” she made a strangled sound in the back of her throat, “I thought you were all in just like I was. I had no clue that less than forty-eight hours away from me, from us, would be enough to make you willing to throw it all away. Tanner, you didn’t just screw up our marriage. You ruined my entire life.”

  Izzy watched as Tanner’s face paled with every word she spoke. The part of her that was urging her to forgive him, let him hold her and kiss away every tear, ached at the sight. She was growing to hate that part of herself.

  “You were my everything and I was…what? Easy enough to replace in two days? Pretty forgettable when some girl in a tight skirt—”

  He crossed the few feet separating them and grabbed her face, cradling it between his hands. The back of her legs hit against the washing machine at the movement. His eyes were wide and tinged with panic. “No, Belle, no. Dammit, this had nothing to do with you. I did this. I screwed up. You are smart and sexy and damn near perfect. I’m a selfish, thoughtless asshole that will do anything in the world to make this right.”

  Because his words left her speechless, because she didn’t have the strength to fight with him at that moment, and just because it was Tanner, when he lowered his head to touch his lips against hers, she did nothing more than melt into his kiss and his arms. This is Tanner, her heart reminded her as his mouth caressed hers. Her hands found his chest and crept up and around his shoulders.

  She felt wetness against her cheek, and the ache in her soul deepened with the realization the tears were from Tanner. Her dry eyes started to fill again, and she couldn’t stop herself from pulling him closer.

  This is Tanner.

  And less than twenty-four hours ago he was holding someone else. Kissing someone else. Pressing every inch of the body she knew so well against someone new, someone who wasn’t her. Did he touch her the way he is touching me now?

  She pushed against his shoulders and broke their kiss. She clamped her lips between her teeth and bit back the urge to say every thought that had been racing through her head. As much as she wanted to know, knowing might kill her.

  “I don’t want you to leave.” She tightened her hand against his chest, gathering a fistful of his blue shirt. “But I can’t do that again either.”

  Against her mind screaming at her to stop, she ran her free hand over the light brown, closely trimmed facial hair covering his square jaw. Her forehead dropped against his chest and her tears started to fall, soaking the front of his shirt. In that moment she needed nothing more than a best friend. Someone to tell her to walk away from him. Someone to tell her to forgive him because it was one mistake in twelve years. Someone to tell her what to do so she didn’t have to make this decision herself.

  But because Tanner had been so busy and someone needed to take the kids to their practices, rehearsals, and recitals, her friends had fallen away.

  Izzy slipped past him and stood in the laundry room doorway for a few beats. “I don’t want you to leave,” she repeated and swiped the tears off her cheeks. “But I don’t want you in bed with me tonight. I can’t be that close to you right now.”

  “Right now, or forever?” He shook his head and rested a hand on the churning machine in front of him. “I know, I know I don’t have a right to ask that.”

  Her eyes drifted to the small window where the sun was starting to fade. “I don’t even know if I’m going to sleep tonight, much less what’s going to happen tomorrow.” She dared to peek at Tanner. He had both hands braced on the washing machine and his head was hanging down. “Tomorrow we’ll figure out what we’re going to do.”

  “I know what I’m going to do. I’m going to regret this for the rest of my life and love you long after I take my last breath.” He turned to her with a helpless expression on his face. “That’s what I’m going to do, Be-Isabelle. I’ll, um, I’ll finish this.” He waved behind him. “You can go to bed. And please try to sleep.”

  She nodded and turned, climbing the stairs quickly. How could she remind him that she never slept well without him beside her? She slid between the pale yellow sheets, not bothering to take off her t-shirt and shorts. Izzy pulled his pillow flush against her chest and inhaled the cedarwood and musk scent that clung to it…and the tears started to fall again. She couldn’t possibly live without this smell and this man in her life.

  ***

  Tanner kissed her deeply. “You are required to be at every game from now until forever.” He punctuated each word with another kiss, and Izzy couldn’t help but laugh. “That was the best I’ve ever played. You’re my good luck charm. I’m dead serious, sweetheart. My family? Jinxes. Every last one of ’em. They’re only allowed to come to my last game of the season.”

  Her fingers dove into his hair, still damp from a quick shower in the locker room after the game. “You were great tonight. And there is a little bit of an ego rush to know the handsome quarterback is my boyfriend.”

  His blue eyes sparkled and he tugged at her waist, pulling her tighter against him and pointedly ignoring the other players slapping his back as they passed. “Handsome? Why sugar, you’re gonna give me a big head talkin’ like that.” He embellished his drawl and made her laugh more.

  Izzy stepped back and linked her hand with his, turning to the parking lot and dragging him with her. “Come on, MVP, dinner’s on me. You’ve got to be starving. I’ll even drive so you can rest.”

  “Damn straight I’m hungry. I’m nearly emaciated.” Tanner lifted his shirt and ran their joined hands over his muscular midsection. Izzy let out a small gasp at the contact, and Tanner grinned at her. “Did ya say something, Belle?”

  Relief flooded through her
when they reached her car. She shook her head and pulled her hand away, pretending to dig in her purse for her keys. “Nope. Where do you want to go for dinner?”

  He plucked the keys out of her grasp and unlocked the driver’s door, opening it for her. Before she got in, he grabbed her hand, slid the keys into her palm, and turned her to face him with only the door separating them. “What are you hungry for, Belle?” His voice deepened with passion, and he lowered his head to brush his lips across hers before trailing down her neck.

  All logical thought and sense of where they were standing fled. He affected her in a way no one before him ever had. It was thrilling. It was terrifying. If she didn’t watch out, she’d wind up falling in love with him.

  Finally able to calm her breathing enough to speak, she swallowed deeply and hoped her voice wouldn’t give away any of her thoughts. “Tacos.”

  His lips immediately stilled at the single word. After a few beats he started laughing and stepped back. He waved her into the car and shut her door before crossing around the front and falling into the passenger’s seat. “You’re pretty damn cute, ya know that, Belle?”

  A blush crept up her neck as she guided the car carefully away from the stadium. “And you are a terrible passenger for distracting me.”

  But throughout the short drive to the all-night taco place, and while he easily devoured six tacos by himself in record time, the idea of falling in love with Tanner kept echoing through her mind. Was that what it was called when you found it adorable that he could sit there for several minutes, oblivious to the spot of taco sauce on his cheek? Was love what made her stomach fill with butterflies every time she heard him call her Belle? Or the warm feeling that spread through her when he kept looking up in the stands during the game to make sure she was still there?

  They had only been dating for a month. She shook her head and pulled into her parking spot. It wasn’t possible that she loved him.